Common Mistakes to Avoid During Divorce

Everybody makes mistakes at stressful times—and few times are more stressful than being in the process of a divorce, especially if you have children.

Mistakes made during a divorce can have lasting financial and emotional consequences. The agreements you reach with a soon-to-be ex will play a crucial role in shaping your future and that of your family.

To help avoid negative outcomes, let us look at the most common mistakes made during divorces in Maine.

The following 10 mistakes are, from our experience, the most common when spouses go their separate ways.

Emotions run deep during relationship breakdowns and separations. It’s natural to feel strong emotions during a divorce, but acting on them impulsively can lead to decisions that may not serve you in the long run, and will likely be a mistake. Instead, focus on taking actions that protect your future. A seasoned divorce lawyer can provide guidance, helping you navigate challenges with clarity and ensuring your best interests remain the priority.

Which leads us to the next common mistake.

An experienced divorce or family law attorney can guide you through the divorce process, which can become complex, challenging, and risky when you are making important decisions about children, parenting, finances, among other important issues.

Friends and family members will try to offer advice, but they are usually not impartial or aware of the legal implications of actions. Every marriage breakdown is unique and only a competent legal professional can offer advice based on deep knowledge of your legal rights and responsibilities, proven legal strategies, and experience in similar situations.

Besides providing legal advice and protecting your best interests, your divorce attorney will prepare you for negotiation, mediation, or litigation, and assist with drafting your separation or divorce agreement.

A divorce settlement defines how each spouse will transition to an independent, self-sufficient life after divorce. In Maine, this agreement serves as the foundation for most divorces and should be approached with careful consideration—not rushed for the sake of speed.

You may not get everything you hoped for from your settlement, but signing a one-sided divorce agreement can negatively impact your future in many ways—especially financially and with parenting (if you have children together).

Remember, if you hurriedly but voluntarily sign a divorce agreement, it is extremely difficult to reopen the case or amend the agreement afterward. To do so will require proof that exceptional circumstances existed when you created the agreement, rendering it unjust and invalid in some way.

Compromise is fine when you negotiate divorce terms, but accepting unfavorable terms for a quick resolution is not. Your divorce lawyer will help you through each step of the way and protect your legal rights in this respect.

Do not ignore the importance of taxes when drafting your divorce agreement. Your divorce lawyer is likely qualified to provide only basic advice on tax so if you have complex financial affairs involving many assets, pension or retirement plans, and/or a business, it may be best to seek dedicated tax advice before signing your agreement.

Taxes should be considered whenever dividing marital assets and calculating child support and spousal support.

Another common mistake to avoid during divorce is failing or refusing to communicate with your spouse. This is likely to heighten tension and conflict and could end in litigation, which most couples want to avoid.

Try to maintain an open line of communication with your spouse to resolve the most important matters and do not react to any provocation that could lead to a communication breakdown.

If you end up only communicating via attorneys, you will pay a fee for every communication – and this can become costly for both spouses.

After separation, many spouses seek comfort elsewhere, leading to many “rebound” relationships from dating too soon after the relationship breakdown.

Not only can this be emotionally unsettling for the children, but it could compromise your position in the divorce, especially with child custody and parenting matters—or lead to heightened conflict before the divorce is finalized.

Most experienced divorce lawyers have heard much worse than you can tell them! It is always best, therefore, to be completely honest with your family law attorney and “come clean” with any dark secrets that could affect your divorce settlement.

You can be open and honest with your lawyer without being concerned about confidentiality. The attorney-client privilege ensures that anything you discuss with your lawyer remains private unless you provide consent to share it.

In most cases, the truth eventually comes to light. It’s in your best interest to be fully honest with your lawyer from the start, ensuring they can effectively advocate for you.

When a relationship breaks down, almost all couples face a period of financial transition as they go their separate ways. Being in denial about this and failing to plan for the new reality is a common mistake—and it can come as a major “jolt” when that reality starts to set in post-divorce.

Make a financial plan and refrain from creating any new or additional debts until you understand your true financial position. Remember, any outstanding debts incurred during the marriage may need to be paid in equal share with your spouse. Check this with your lawyer; if you are not liable for the debt, this should be explicitly stated in the divorce settlement.

Another common mistake to avoid during divorce is making “side agreements” with your spouse. Sometimes, because of an amicable separation, couples think that they can skirt around the legal processes and make agreements outside of the main divorce settlement.

To ensure that your best interests are protected, full disclosure to your lawyer is important and everything agreed with your spouse should be included in a legally binding document.

Last but certainly not least, never use your children as pawns in the divorce or to get revenge on your ex. Your divorce is likely a major strain on your children anyway. It could be made worse by putting them in the center of it or “weaponizing” them to get back at your ex.

Ideally, keep your children out of any discussions about the divorce and put their interests first in all matters that concern them. Do not force them to “take sides.” Otherwise, you may trigger emotional issues that can become embedded in their psyche for the long term.

If you need legal assistance with a divorce in Maine, speak to an experienced family law attorney at The Maine Divorce Group during an initial consultation.